Glucose Self-Monitoring

A stabbing in miniature, it is,
a tiny crime,
my own blood parceled
drop by drop and set
on the flickering tongue
of this machine.
It is the spout-punching of trees
for syrup new and smooth
and sweeter
than nature ever intended.
It is Sleeping Beauty’s curse
and fascination.
It is the dipstick measuring of oil
from the Buick’s throat,
the necessary maintenance.
It is every vampire movie ever made.
Hand, my martyr without lips,
my quiet cow.
I’ll milk your fingertips
for all they’re worth.
For what they’re worth.
Something like a harvest, it is,
a tiny crime.

– Katy Giebenhain

Postscript:

I like how the prosaic testing of blood sugar levels is compared sequentially to tapping tree sap, a fairy-tale, car maintenance, horror cinema and animal husbandry. All valid, these juxtapositions, and makes you look at this act of poking yourself in a new light because it’s made slightly unfamiliar again.

I know a number of diabetics, some of whom have to do precisely this. It’s a seemingly minor thing, this having to poke yourself, but it adds up over time. I remember having to do this for Physiology lab; I was quite blase about it initially, and happy about my nonchalance besides – who me, phobias? By the end of the year, though, I was tired of looking at my own corpuscles on slides and donating blood (not only to my lab partner but to an assortment of others besides, thanks to my bravado). At one point towards the end, I remember telling someone else to do the needle stick because I was tired of jabbing myself week after week.

I wasn’t able to get a lot of biographical information on the poet; instead here is an interview with Katy Giebenhain.

Proust’s Madeleine

Somebody has given my
Baby daughter a box of
Old poker chips to play with.
Today she hands me one while
I am sitting with my tired
Brain at my desk. It is red.
On it is a picture of
An elk’s head and the letters
B.P.O.E.—a chip from
A small town Elks’ Club. I flip
It idly in the air and
Catch it and do a coin trick
To amuse my little girl.
Suddenly everything slips aside.
I see my father
Doing the very same thing,
Whistling “Beautiful Dreamer,”
His breath smelling richly
Of whiskey and cigars. I can
Hear him coming home drunk
From the Elks’ Club in Elkhart
Indiana, bumping the
Chairs in the dark. I can see
Him dying of cirrhosis
Of the liver and stomach
Ulcers and pneumonia,
Or, as he said on his deathbed, of
Crooked cards and straight whiskey,
Slow horses and fast women.

– Kenneth Rexroth

Postscript:

You probably know about the madeleine episode Proust had that’s referenced in the title and have had your own moment of being overwhelmed by memory, stepping back in time because of a trigger. I love the imagery in this poem, the sense of continuity across generations. It reminded me of Roethke’s poem My Papa’s Waltz.

You can read bios of Rexroth here and here. There’s an entire section devoted to him here.

Poetry Anonymous

Do not fall in love with a poet
they are no more honest than a stockbroker.

(Do you have a stockbroker? If you do,
they are with you because you have one.)

If you think that they are more sensitive because they care about language
pay attention to how they use language.
Are you included? Are you the “you”?

Or are you a suggestion?
Are you partially included as a suggestion?

Are you partially excluded because you are a concept
encased in some jewel-like nouns, almost throw-away,
and yet somehow a perfect resemblance?

How does narcissism
work for the reader who is also the object of desire?
Do they become the tour-de-force?
What about vague nouns where you can peer in
at the monstrosity as if it were buoyant and not a futile metaphor
(only because you are generous with your imagination).

Consider that poem’s vagueness doesn’t account for your complexity
and the epithets don’t suffice, you are not “one who is a
horse-drawn carriage”
nor are you a “sparrow with hatchet.”

Perhaps they quote Mallarme when taking you to bed,
carefully confusing you with their sense of charm and faux-chaste sense.

All this before voracious body-pressing.
The lovemaking is confusing until, you remember, they said something:

thus spake the dreamboat, your poet, alarmingly announces during climax:

I spend my fires with the slender rank of prelate

and then fierce withdrawal with a rush of perseverance to flee.

You are mistaken if the language furthers your sense of devotion.
You are a fallen person now.
They care more about their language than for you (you, the real person you).

Line after line, a private, unmediated act done to you with a confusing abandon,
its flailing in its substance however deceptive this might be.

It will point out your own directionlessness,
you will be harmed.

You cannot mediate it with caress.

Do you think because they understand what meaning looks like,
they have more meaning than others?
They are the protectors of a sense of feeling, mere protectors— earnest?
No. They are protectors of the flawed, filling zones of bereft.
The aftermath of pleasure. A contested zone for all.

What about the lawyer who loves the law?
Aren’t they the same, a poet with a larger book—
the way they protect and subject language
to a sense-making?

A kind of cognitive patternization.

Ultimately, both undertake the hijack of language,
they won’t love you the way
you are; it’s in this inability to love—
unless you embody the poem—
you embody the law and its turn of phrase.

Unless you see the poet clearly: loving utterance,
an unadulterated utterance—seized and insular.

You must entice with otherness.
You must catch the poem as a muse does.
You must muse and muse and muse.

All the thralldom of poetic encounters that stand in for sexual ones,
all the ways we terrorize with sense-making,

allowing it to stand in for intimacy.

For it to stand in and suggest that all other kinds of feelings
and declarations must yield to it.

It will move you if you ask for permission
to exist within its confines,
and you move the poet toward you and you hold the poet’s head,
wrapping your arms around them
strapped in your wordless hold, but soon words do come
and in the trailing off of speech, you will be permanently lost.

– Prageeta Sharma

Postscript:

I came across this poem at the Poetry Foundation, and fell in love with its tone of voice as well as the subject matter.
You can read a bio of Sharma here, and an interview with her here and here.